Who is driving Your Bus ?

If we think about our own lives as being a journey on a bus, surrounded by a great variety of people, all with particular positions on our bus that relate to where they fit into our lives. Some are right there next to us; some behind us; some in front of us… but all are important in playing some role in how we are “positioned” in their lives, and they in ours. Remember we always have a choice…sit, stand, whom next to, get off the bus, get on another, stay silent, speak, engage, learn, follow, lead, be influenced or to influence….the choice is almost always ours.

As I write this I am reminded of the movie “Speed” with Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves – where they were all on a bus being controlled by a maniac demanding a ransom. There are times when we do not have a choice at least it may seem that way. The truth is our lives can be like that; out of control, with someone else doing the driving. Do you want that ? A fearful situation? Of course it is! Even in that scenario, did Keanu simply decide to simply do everything the maniac was demanding, no way Hosea, he was working on a plan….a plan to solve things, change the situation, get control and not be controlled.

The brutal truth is that so many people are living-out that nightmare bus-ride right now! Out of control – and don’t know what they can do about it. Do you want to simply ride and see what happens ? Give in and allow situations to rule you ? What can you do…more importantly what are you willing to do ?

OK, now that you’ve got the scene in your mind. In order to get some perspective on our own lives, sometimes we need to move to the back seat of the bus for a while, and become the observer of what is really going on.

Sometimes you need to ask the right questions, just as Keanu figured out the maniac was observing them, watching their every move and therefore knowing what to do. He had to change that situation so he got help created a loop in the video feed to buy time, to execute a plan, to change the situation and get back control.

We also need to observe who the most significant people are, and how they are positioned in our lives. Keanu did not do this alone, he got help. We all need people in our lives whom contribute in different ways. Some give us Love & Belonging, some Significance & Recognition and yet others provide us with the stimulus of Challenge & Growth. We must understand our emotional drivers and use that knowledge to help move us in the right direction and speed. Whom we hang with will affect us, either positively or negatively.

Are they standing over us because they feel superior? Are they moving forward in their own lives and leaving us behind? Are they falling behind us because we’ve chosen to move forward? Where are you at in your life ? Whom have you allowed to influence you ? Are you influencing others ? Are you simply going for a ride or do you know where your bus is going and how you are going to get to your destination ?

So now we are faced with an important question, “Who’s driving your bus”?
Is it someone from your past who has dominated you and what you do, even though they may not still be present in your life now? Are they taking you where you want to go? Do you feel like you would like to the bus to stop and let you off? Now here comes the challenge…

From this rear seat of observation, we need to start to move closer to the driver’s seat. You cannot really influence the driver from the back seat. It doesn’t matter how long this takes, and it doesn’t matter how much we are challenged by the people who may be trying to block our progress forward. We have to do this for ourselves… starting right now! So get off the back seat and start moving forward !

Our goal is to be in the driver’s seat of our own lives! Do you know what drives you ? Do you know your emotional drivers ? I will get into this in a another article for now, just know it’s important to be in the driver’s seat.

It is inevitable that we are going to be challenged, and that’s when we need courage!

Yes – we will all take different lengths of time to move forward… that’s when we need persistence, and patience with ourselves!

Most certainly we will feel daunted at times by this process… that’s when we need to have determination!

We are going to have to ask people to vacate their seats (which can possibly be their dominant positions in our lives) so that we can move forward towards that front seat we wish to occupy. We are going to have to sit in the middle of the bus at times while we learn to muster more courage and determination to move forward again. This is all part of the process, so stick with it because this is all for YOU! If you don’t help yourself who will ?

During this process of moving forward we must remain conscious of where the bus is now, and think about where we really want to take it once we’re up front, and in control. Pointless to get into the driver’s seat and not know where to go and the best route to get you there.

One very important point! At no stage in this process do we tread on someone if they get in our way (as we move forward), simply step around them and move on.

OK – you’ve made it! You have asked the driver to step aside and let you have your turn, and now you’re in the seat. It’s all up to you now!

If you’re not too sure of what to do and how to do it, just stop and park for a while. It doesn’t matter what you do and how long it takes, because this is your game now – so play it your way!

Get crystal clear on where you choose to take your bus now, and very clear on who you wish to accompany you on this new journey. The rest is a process of trusting your own judgment and decisions. You will make modifications or alterations to your plan along the way….this is normal. This will also include the people that will help you get there….they do not necessarily stay the same…know what, when where and also whom….this will get you to your destination.

I wish the very best for the journey ahead… and always remember – “What other people do or say is their responsibility or as one of my dear associates likes to say it’s their stuff; how we react is our stuff , yes, is our responsibility.” Yes it’s up to “moi”!

Leslie Choudhury – Int’l Speaker, Trainer, Consultant and Author

Serious fun for serious business



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Principles for Success

People are not born successful.

They work hard and are extremely focused and persistent. Successful people take calculated risks and solve their problems creatively. Some of the characteristics that most successful people have in common are:

  1.  Emotional Intelligence.
  Most great people are somewhat intelligent–but not in every subject. They specialize. They simply have well-develop intelligence in the areas or fields they have chosen to pursue. It is said that IQ will get you hired in a job, but EQ will either get you promoted or the lack of it will get you fired! When you can learn to respond with both your heart and head then it is advantage. Great people know what makes another ‘tick’ both in the head and in their heart!

2. Practice.
Almost all-great people have spent many years practicing their particular talents. Mistakes must be made, new solutions discovered, and difficult situations endured. Nobody great , in sports or business got good without practice! David Beckham in his deadly free-kicks, or Tiger Woods (see picture) in his record Golf PGA wins, Donald Trump in his real estate success, or even Tony Robbins in his motivation business! Nothing great can be achieved without practice.

3.  Leadership.
Many successful people have a tremendous amount of hands-on experience dealing with people or structuring an organization. The bible says “Where there is no vision, the people perish.”  Today in order to achieve success, we must be willing to lead, to take leadership, to share your vision and get people behind you, your idea, your product and your service.

4. Energy.

They’re very active and involved in their particular work. Their high activity levels spring partly from tremendous enthusiasm and excitement for the things they are doing. ‘Enthusiasm begets Enthusiasm!’ No one achieves success by dragging their feet across the finish line. If we want to achieve success we must inspire others to be as interested, as energetic, as enthused as we are. People are swayed by another’s energy and enthusiasm.

5.  Concentration or Focus.
Their work really excites them–so much so that they become unaware of everything else. Look at Roger Federer in tennis, Steve Jobs in Apple, they get so stuck in what they want to achieve, so focussed on the outcome that  they achieve their goals.

6.  Determination.
They develop senses of destiny. They believe that they have major purposes. They can’t imagine themselves failing. When they suffer setbacks, they view them as part of the learning process on the road to greatness.

7. Survival Skills.
Many have suffered traumatic experiences early in life such as sickness, loneliness, or poverty. Such experiences helped them develop their robustness and persistence. People who can’t cope with failure are not likely to succeed. Donald Trump failed many times as did many, many others. Falling down is common, I have and so have you. What matters most is picking yourself up and finding a new way to survive and succeed!

 9.  Letting experience teach them.
They learn from life’s experiences by making a conscious effort to do so. Many people get caught up in what or who is right or wrong instead of looking at the lesson that can be learned from the experience. And life is full of lessons. From the time we come out of the womb to the day we die, we are learning what life has to offer us, lesson after lesson. The key is to take the experiences-those everyday occurrences in life-and use them to change and grow. That’s what life is all really-change. The only real constant in this life is that things and people change. Inspired by experience, change is all around.

We can all benefit by watching successful people. But the knowledge that each of us has the potential to be successful should be foremost in our minds as we proceed in life. Each of us has a unique ability or talent that can be developed. Believe in yourself and know yourself. These two qualities serve as a foundation for the other characteristics great people exhibit.
Start Today ….Know Yourself…. Believe in Yourself !

See It, Be It, Live It !!!


Choose Greatness !!!

Take the following statement to heart, and carry it with you always…

“Trust that life has an amazing way of filling in the details for the person who has the courage to get started in the direction of their dreams.”

When I really grasped the above statement, to the point that I began to try and truly live my life in this way, I began to see a big difference. Really BIG.

In the work I do, speaking, teaching and inspiring people on responsibility & their potential — I’ve seen time and time again, people held hostage, stuck in inaction because they couldn’t move past the idea that they had the potential, had to be guaranteed success before getting started, and two, had to have every single little detail all nailed down in their own mind before beginning in the first place.
Being a planner is fine, it’s smart in fact. That said, making the mistake of waiting to have every single detail figured out just right before beginning is often a recipe for unrealized hopes and dreams.
The reason that’s true is because the pursuit of one’s endeavours is a moving target. In fact in many cases one finds that it requires of us the ability to move and adjust as new challenges appear. It’s part of the very process which goes into shaping us and teaching us the needed skills which allow us to become the type of person who is worthy of the goals we so strongly desire.

So while it’s good to plan, and follow your plan… don’t make the mistake of never getting started in the first place. When you find yourself in a place which requires some adjusting, embrace it, and accept that it’s part of the process. Course correct and get back to taking whatever actions you have identified that will get you to where you want to be. Be nimble when your success journey requires you to do so.

Keep in mind the old truth which says, “life is but a journey.” It’s true, and like any worthwhile journey there will be moments where you need to veer from the path you thought was required of you. You may very well have uncomfortable moments from time to time. You will most likely experience feelings of doubt at some point. Fear not. Stay the course.

Whenever necessary, reach out and learn from those people and resources who can help you acquire whatever particular skill-set you need in order to move past whatever challenge may pop up, and continue moving right along where you left off.

Make persistence your ally and you will look back with pride as you recount the many achievements you’ve experienced in life. Remember the simple truth… You’ve got to be in it to win it!

Each and everyday embrace and honour the greatness inside you by moving forward on the path you have chosen. You’re an artist, and your life is the canvas upon which you can paint whatever you wish.
It’s your life, Choose Your Path.

Attitude – What’s Yours?

Jerry is the kind of guy you love to hate.

He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, “If I were any better, I would be twins!” He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant.
The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious. So, one day, I went up to Jerry and told him, “I don’t get it!”

“You can’t be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?” Jerry replied, “Each morning I wake up and say to myself, Jerry, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood.”

“I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.”

“Yeah, right, it’s not that easy,” I protested. “Yes, it is,” Jerry said. “Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It’s your choice how you live life.”

I reflected on what Jerry said. Soon thereafter, I left the restaurant industry to start my own business.
We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.
Several years later, I heard that Jerry did something you are never supposed to do in a
restaurant business: he left the back door open one morning and was held up at gun point by three armed robbers.

While trying to open the safe, his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination. The robbers panicked and shot him. Luckily, Jerry was found relatively quickly and rushed to the local trauma center. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body.

I saw Jerry about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, “If I were any better, I’d be twins. Wanna see my scars?” I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place.

“The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door,” Jerry replied. “Then, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or I could choose to die. I chose to live.”

“Weren’t you scared? Did you lose consciousness?” I asked. Jerry continued, “… Well, the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read ‘he’s a dead man.’ I knew I needed to take action.”

” What did you do?” I asked.

“Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me,” said Jerry. “She asked if I was allergic to anything. ‘Yes,’ I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, ‘Bullets!’

Over their laughter, I told them, ‘I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead.’”
Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.

Attitude, after all, is everything!

BooYaa !!!
Leslie Choudhury – Int’l Speaker, Trainer, Consultant and Author
Serious Fun for Serious Business

Burnt Scones – Gratitude & Acceptance !

Mom liked to make scones for tea every now and then. And I remember one time in particular when she had made scones on a saturday afternoon. That afternoon, mom placed a plate of scones which were extremely burnt in front of dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed
All dad did was reach for his scones, smiled at mom and asked me how my week was at school. I don’t remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and strawberry jam on that scone and ate every bite.

When I got up from the table, I remember hearing mom apologizing to dad for burning the scones. And I’ll never forget what he said: Darling, I love burnt scones.

Later that night, I went to kiss Dad good night and asked him if he really liked his scones burnt. He wrapped me in his arms and said, “Your Mom puts in hard work everyday running this house and all you children and she’s rarely appreciated  – a little burnt scone never hurt anyone!”

You know, life is full of imperfect things…..and imperfect people. I’m not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else.

What I’ve learned over the years is that learning to accept each others’ faults – and choosing to celebrate each others differences – is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.

Because in the end, you are the master of your own life, to be happy or unhappy, to be positive or negative.

It’s up to “Moi”.

We could extend this to any relationship. In fact, understanding is the base of any relationship , be it a husband-wife or parent-child or friendship.

Don’t put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket – keep it in your own.

Yes it’s up to “Moi”, how many times do I have to remind you!

So please pass me a scone

How to change habits using visualization

The average person on the street, when asked what behavior modification is, gets a glassy look in their eyes and usually just stares in silence… unable to respond. The ones that do have an answer often say something about rewards for good behavior or punishment for bad behavior.

That’s understandable, because after all, that is what typically drives human behavior.

Physical or emotional pain stops us from doing things that do (or might) cause it.

And we do the things, moment-by-moment that we believe will give us physical and emotional pleasure.

But if that were the only way to change our behaviors, we’d be doomed.

Hmmm that’s why our prisons are filled !

Because most times that doesn’t work, not with the number of temptations each of us is faced with every day.

For example, as good as drugs (both legal and not) can make us feel, many people still are able to fight the temptation.

In fact for most people, they are not tempting at all. It is something most people never ever think about.

And as tempting as it might be for many to eat only the super delicious, great smelling packaged chemical “food-like” substances available at every turn today, many people still are easily able to walk right by.

And as easy as it would be to avoid picking up our messes, to never do laundry, to avoid daily grooming, to kill the people we hate, or to sit in a bar all day keeping a permanent buzz on, many people have no compulsion to do any of those things… even though they were never beaten or threatened with bodily harm or even promised great rewards for acting the way they do now with no apparent effort.

Because it is habit, not pain or pleasure, that is the greatest director of human behavior.
You see we are more like trains than cars.

Cars can go off-road, but trains must stay on their tracks… their destinations are predetermined.
And that is how most humans are, once we’ve developed our habits. We become slaves to those habits.

Our habitual ways of thinking defines us, and our habitual patterned thoughts guide almost all our behaviors.

That is why, for instance, I could give a thousand people the most authoritative, proven course that shows them exactly what to do and say, and when to do it and say it… and still 990 out of those thousand will fail to do anything even though there are promises of riches or success beyond their wildest dreams.

This is because it is not pleasure that rules.

It is ……..H A B I T.

This is also why you might have dozens or even hundreds of excellent “how to” books, tapes and videos on your shelves and in your basement collecting dust.

Because habit rules.

As a training company, we look at many techniques for changing emotions and behaviors.
Understanding your Emotional Drivers are fundamental. First step is awareness.

Knowing that emotional drivers can and do change.

Ask yourself is the current primary drivers that you have what is needed to achieve your goals ?

Do you need to change your drivers ?
What emotional drivers do you need to attain your goals ?
How do you then develop the right habits because they are linked.

To help us eliminate “bad” habits and replace them with good ones we need simple mental conditioning using mental pictures where we are in the pictures.

We need to see ourselves doing the things we need to do, developing the right habits and therefore reaping the benefits it will give us.

After all, we humans have just three dominant senses:
Our sight (past, current and imagined future vision),
Our hearing (remembered, current and imagined), and
Our feeling or emotions (from the past, present and imagined futures).
Sow a Thought ( a mental picture ) and we will Reap an Action
Sow an Action and we will Reap a Habit
Sow a Habit and we will Reap the benefits, the success, the goals etc……it start with the thought …that mental picture !

By using mental pictures, and re-enforcing it with right words, speech etc as we do in our thought and behavior modification work.

This is where our environment come to play, whom we associate with, what they say, what we allow ourselves to hear and therefore how we let our environment also influence us. A supportive environment / group / will enable to get there much faster !

We can quickly change emotions, and our Emotional Drivers which directly affects all decisions and actions.

And isn’t that the whole purpose behind “self-help” and “personal development?”

Isn’t the purpose of it all to change how you feel and what you do?

Do either of those two things – change how you feel and change what you do – and all of your hopes, dreams, aspirations, ambitions and goals will be yours.

Isn’t that so?

So if you do not feel how you want to feel and if you cannot get yourself to do what you need to do, to make those dreams come true, then they won’t happen.

So once again, we come to grips with a powerful tool….a tool to help you change your habits, a tool to help change your emotional drivers, and therefore a tool to change the outcomes, the results, the attainment of your goals and accomplishment of your vision.

“ If I can see it, then I can do it “ – R. Kelly
But remember its up to “Moi” !!!

Burnt Scones – Gratitude & Acceptance !

Mom liked to make scones for tea every now and then. And I remember one time in particular when she had made scones on a saturday afternoon. That afternoon, mom placed a plate of scones which were extremely burnt in front of dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed.

All dad did was reach for his scones, smiled at mom and asked me how my week was at school. I don’t remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and strawberry jam on that scone and ate every bite.

When I got up from the table, I remember hearing mom apologizing to dad for burning the scones. And I’ll never forget what he said: Darling, I love burnt scones.

Later that night, I went to kiss Dad good night and asked him if he really liked his scones burnt. He wrapped me in his arms and said, “Your Mom puts in hard work everyday running this house and all you children and she’s rarely appreciated  – a little burnt scone never hurt anyone!”

You know, life is full of imperfect things…..and imperfect people. I’m not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else.

What I’ve learned over the years is that learning to accept each others’ faults – and choosing to celebrate each others differences – is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.

Because in the end, you are the master of your own life, to be happy or unhappy, to be positive or negative.

It’s up to “Moi”.

We could extend this to any relationship. In fact, understanding is the base of any relationship , be it a husband-wife or parent-child or friendship.

Don’t put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket – keep it in your own.

Yes it’s up to “Moi”, how many times do I have to remind you!

So please pass me a scone

Self Confidence – part 1 of 3

Confidence is a tool you can use in your everyday life.
It’s something you need to be able to achieve all kinds of cool stuff, not least to stop second-guessing yourself, manage your fears and become able to do more of the things that really matter to you.

But not many people realise that their self-confidence works just like a muscle – it grows in response to the level of performance required of it. Either you use it or you lose it. 

That’s why I’ve shared with you below… ‘em’ just a few ways to grow your confidence so that you can become a giant.

1. Learning is a Good Thing, so sign up for that webinar, evening or weekend class and enjoy it.

2. Get out of your own head by asking your family, partner, colleague or best friend what you can do for them today.

3. Hit the gym. The physiological effects will leave you feeling great.

4. Go to a networking event and focus on how you can be helpful to other people rather than being nervous about your own stuff.

5. Get crystal clear on the things that truly matter to you. If they’re not in your life, you need to bring them in.

6. Write a list of the things you’re putting up with in your life, then write down how you can remove, minimise or diminish each one.

7. Look at a great win or success you’ve experienced and give yourself credit for your part in it. Recognising your achievements is not egotistical, it’s healthy.

8. Next time you’re at a social event, don’t just stick with the people you know – go and have a conversation with someone you don’t know and you never know what – or who – you’ll discover.
9. Next time you talk yourself out of doing something (an invitation, a challenging project or whatever else), say ‘Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained’ and go do it.
10. Do one thing each day that makes you smile (on the inside or on the outside).
11. Look for the patterns of thought that take you to a place where you start second-guessing or over-thinking. Now imagine that your best friend is in exactly the same thought process and ended up holding herself/himself back – what would you want to say to them?
12.  You have to keep your mind well fed, so write a list of 20 things that keeps your mind feeling nourished and make sure you’re giving them room in your life.
13. Start playing different roles and stop squeezing yourself into boxes based on what you think people expect you to act like.
14. Learn to catch yourself every single time you tell yourself that you can’t have, won’t get or aren’t good enough to get what you want. Watch what you say to yourself, make sure you focus on the positives.
15. Take yourself off auto-pilot – make deliberate decisions on what really matters to you.
16. Next time you come up against a risk or a challenge, listen to what you tell yourself and look for a way that that inner dialog can be improved. Ask yourself, “What would make this easier?”
17. Scared of looking silly?  It’s no biggie so don’t let it stop you. It helps to be able to laugh at yourself sometimes, its healthy. Say it with me – “It just doesn’t matter.”  It’s always Mind over Matter, if you don’t mind it won’t matter!

18. Don’t think for a second that you can’t be confident. There are already loads of things you do with natural self-confidence, you just have to notice them and get familiar with how it feels.

19. Look for the things you do where the question of whether you’re confident enough never arises.

20. Listen to your gut but be ready to make deliberate decisions once you’ve heard them. Sometimes your gut is there to let you know what you need to prepare for, so you can use it to your benefit as you move forward.

21. Think of a time when it felt like a whole bank of switches in your head flicked to the on position and you were firing on all cylinders. What were you doing and what’s the reason it felt so great?

22. You’ve got a whole bunch of out-dated rules that determine what you do, don’t do, should do and shouldn’t do. These rules limit your thinking and limit your behaviour. Tear up your rule book and notice how free you are to make great decisions.

23. Do you get annoyed with yourself because you didn’t make the most of something or stepped back form an opportunity? Don’t beat yourself up because that’s just going to make you feel worse. Instead, be brutally honest and ask yourself what you gained from the situation and what you lost out on. Based on this win/lose balance, what’s a different choice you can make next time?

24. If you’d already done everything in life you’d have no need to be scared. Don’t ever think that being scared means you’re not confident, it simply means you’re going somewhere new.
These are just 24 things to consider (more to come with part 2 & 3) putting into practise.  I guarantee you if you try and put some of these into play, your confidence will grow. I am living proof of a person who wasn’t a picture of confidence growing up but by taking steps like those cited above, my confidence grew, little by little , day by day.

“You are as Confident as You Allow Yourself To Be !” – Leslie Choudhury

Success – Getting Out of Your Comfort Zone

I used to have a comfort zone where I knew I wouldn’t fail.

The same four walls and busywork were really more like jail.

I longed so much to do the things I’d never done before,

But stayed inside my comfort zone and paced the same old floor.

I said it didn’t matter that I wasn’t doing much.

I said I didn’t care for things like commission checks and such.

I claimed to be so busy with the things inside the zone,

But deep inside I longed for something special of my own.

I couldn’t let my life go by just watching others win.

I held my breath; I stepped outside and let the change begin.

I took a step and with new strength I’d never felt before,

I kissed my comfort zone goodbye and closed and locked the door.

If you’re in a comfort zone, afraid to venture out,

Remember that all winners were at one time filled with doubt.

A step or two and words of praise can make your dreams come true.

Do remember I believe in you

Reach for your future with a smile; success is there just waiting for you!

Self-Confidence Part 2

Ok here we go …continuing from part 1 ….

Confidence is a requirement, the more we try, the better our results, the better of results, the more confident we are …do you see the cycle of events?

25. If there’s someone in your life who puts you down o

r makes you feel small, you owe it to yourself to let them know that you expect something different from them now on. Stand up for yourself. You deserve better.

26. Tease. It’s a harmless way to play around with connecting with people and having fun. Know your parameters and what is ‘ok’ topics or areas to tease on.

27. Reveal a little bit of the real you in all relationships – transparency is appreciated and  is a sign of being yourself. hence growing in confidence.

28. Acknowledge and welcome all of your experiences – the good stuff as well as the bad stuff. It’s all equally valid and hiding things away because you don’t like them is just creating conflict.

29. Always recognise that you’re more than a match for any situation you might find yourself in, no matter how tough the going gets. When the going gets tought, the tough get going!

30. Don’t get swept up in the drama of what’s happening right now, look for more useful ways of engaging with what happens in your life. It’s not what happens but how we respond that really matters.

31. Don’t automatically give in to the instant pay-offs – it often means you’re selling yourself short. Good things come to those that wait and good things are always worth waiting for!

32. When you feel like stamping your foot and yelling “I deserve better than this!”, take a step back and say “I can BE better than this.” Take responsibility.

33. Confidence sometimes means admitting you’re wrong – always be ready to hold your hands up and change your mind, your direction, your reaction and eventually your results.

34. Trust your instincts. They know what they’re talking about.

35. Fear is a way of letting you know that you’re about to stretch yourself and grow your confidence. That’s a good thing, so use it to take yourself forwards rather than run away.

36. Imagine you’re visited by a successful, confident, attractive and vibrant version of you from the future, a version of you who’s everything you hope to be. What do they want to tell you?

37. Don’t feel like you have to do everything yourself – sometimes the most confident thing to do is ask for help.

38. Take a chance on something tomorrow. Anything, big or small, just take a chance.

39. You need to be around people who make you feel like YOU, so spend more time with the people who support and encourage you and less with those who undermine you.

40. Stop struggling against the things you don’t like in your life – create a congruent environment around you that flows and allows you to be you.


What are the top 3 things that someone should know in order to be successful in overcoming low self esteem?

Low self esteem can have devastating consequences.
It can create anxiety, stress, loneliness and increased likelihood for depression. It can cause problems with friendships and relationships. You could meet someone special and never realize it because you were too afraid to get to know them. It can seriously impair academic and job performance. It can lead to underachievement and increased vulnerability to drug and alcohol abuse.
Worst of all, these negative consequences reinforce the negative self image and can take a person into a downward spiral of lower and lower self esteem and increasingly damaging or even self destructive behaviour.

You may even have a high sense of self esteem in some areas of your life, whilst there may be other areas where your self esteem is lacking and you feel completely inadequate.

Some people may be very successful in their career, but love and relationships is an area where they feel incompetent or even hopelessly inadequate. Many people have low self esteem in their intimate lives, even if professionally or with friends they seem to be functioning perfectly. They have found a ‘niche’ at work where they feel safe and comfortable, but in the unknown area of relationships, they struggle to get to know other people intimately.

How many times has a promotion passed you by because you couldn’t stomach going to an interview for a job that could have been yours for the taking?

How many times have you wondered if you really have anything to offer?

The three things that you need to know as you begin this transformational process are:
1. That you’re in control of yourself and if you think you’re not, you just have not taken control yet.
2. That you need to understand that your thoughts create and deliver your actions.
3. That your low self esteem is a result of YOUR thinking.

I grew up not having a very good self-esteem about myself. I allowed comments made in passing, hurtful words said in anger to settle in. This is easily done but not healthy.

Thankfully I also had some people whom believed in me and these helped combat the negativity I allowed in. Just as negative statements can have a negative impact on our self-esteem, likewise positive statements can help impact our self-esteem too.

 I can remember my running coach in school say, ‘I was special’ ,  lady doctor whom was in a play hear me in that play do the background voice of God, come up to me at the end and say, ” You have a voice blessed by God, use it mightily”, an American gentleman in a meeting I spoke at come up and say to me, ” If you ever decide to write a book, I will publish it for you!” 

These passing statements took root, they helped my self-esteem, they helped lift me up, built my confidence and became ammunition I continually drew upon to help me when I was down.
Make a list today, of all the positive things people have said to you … I mean it.

Review it, and realize you are special and have unlimited potential.

Have an Awesome day !!!



Team Work – Formula For Success!
Today’s world is full of competition, everyone is trying to out-pace others in the race. Even though almost every person in this race is talented, it has become very hard to survive. In such situation, working in TEAM can help us in achieving our goals. Team work has become immensely important if we wish to achieve what we dream of!

” Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision. The ability to direct individual accomplishments toward organizational objectives. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.” – Andrew Carnegie

Earlier it was believed that if someone believes in him/herself, works hard, has right attitude and works sincerely, then he/she can achieve almost anything he/she dreams of. For hundreds of years, people have proved it to be true and have become icons of success, they achieved everything they wished to on their own. Today, the situation has changed many folds, today there is competition in every profession, people are trying their level best to beat others in the race of success. Almost every single person in this race is talented and competitive, this increases the competition at certain extent making it hard to survive.

It has become very hard for people to survive in competition, because there is only one top position which everyone dreams of. If you really wish to succeed in life, it becomes very important for you to be perfect in almost everything, this brings down the possibility of you getting successful in competition. In such situations, where success is a critical factor, teamwork can help you. All you need to do is build a team of some individuals to achieve your goals with collective efforts of all the team members. Man is a social animal, who, from thousands of years have been living in groups for the purpose of protection, feeling of togetherness, purpose of food, success etc. If we use this idea with some change in it we surely can achieve what we want, with the input of least efforts.

“The achievements of an organization are the results of the combined effort of each individual.” – Vincent Lombardi

What is a team?

We can say a team is a group of individuals who come closer to work together and achieve a common goal.
What is a teamwork?

Teamwork is a set of activities of group of individuals, which includes effective communication/interaction among the team members which helps in knowledge sharing, understanding each other on personal level, helping others in achieving a level of perfection, building a sense of unity in the team and working towards achievement of common goals.

“A successful team is a group of many hands but of one mind.” – Bill Bethel

Roles and Responsibilities:

Every individual in the team should very well understand that there are certain responsibilities he/she needs to carry out. Every team member’s role is very important in keeping high spirit in team, helping the team in marching ahead on the path of success, helping the team in resolving any problem that can hinder the progress of team etc. Everyone should understand the tasks that he/she needs to carry out in order to ensure smooth operations of the team. Along with this every member should hold him/herself responsible for everything that goes wrong with/within the team and should take necessary steps to avoid such situations.
Common goals and objectives

The reason of bringing the team members together should be clearly defined and should be agreed upon. Every member of the team should be aware of the objectives and common goals that are to be achieved and should always try to achieve the same.

Communication and interaction
This is one of the most point which can help in bringing out a solutions to any problem the team may face. Effective communication is very important, among the team members. Every member should be comfortable with others and should be able to communicate his/her ideas and views effectively to the other team members, this will contribute to the success of the team. Interaction between the team members also helps bringing people close on emotional level. Interaction also helps in creating bonds between the team members and helps the team members to look at the team as a family.

“Too many cooks ruin the food/party!” It is very much sure that every team member in the team possesses a talent pool and can handle a group, but if every team member starts thinking that he/she can lead the team and start taking decisions, it surely will never be in the interest of the team. Instead all the team members should come together and should decide, who can lead the team. This activity demands a fair selection of the person as a team leader and who will lead the team towards success. Although, there will be one team leader who will have decision taking power, he/she should consult the team member before taking any important decision. Every team member should listen to the reasons of decision taken by leader, and leader even should listen to every member’s view and suggestions. A good advise should always be welcome and any doubt should be cleared.

As it is very important to decide one team leader and support his/her decisions, it is also very much important to help every member in the team to improve his/her leadership and decision making qualities. For this, a Round Robin method can be employed where every member should be given an equal opportunity to manage the team and become a leader for a fixed time period. During this time, the leader should try and improve him/herself and the other team members should help him/her in doing so. Remember, one mature brain can help others grow, but more mature brains together can bring prosperity for the team.
“It is literally true that you can succeed best and quickest by helping others to succeed.” – Napoleon Hill

Trust among team members
The base of the team and its success is the level of trust/belief of team members in each other. If this trust will not be there, the team will never be able to meet the success. Every member should think about the team’s advantage first and then should give a thought for him/herself. If one member is taking any decision regarding the team, he/she should convey the reason to other team members and should take their suggestions. And if someone takes a decision, the other team members should support him/her without doubting him/her.

Besides the above said rules, the success of team also depends on the intellectual level of team members and their understanding.

Remember “No one of us is as strong as ALL of us!”.

How to Focus on Goals ?

Each moment and each minute I try to learn something. I wanted to take some time this week and share with you a few things I learnT that can help you reach your goals faster.

 Here’s the first of a few insights.

 * What You See, You Can Pursue.

 Let me explain.

Many times we get excited about an idea or business and then our focus and enthusiasm diminishes after a while. Many times we work on our business, but in hindsight we spend time on the wrong things.  Often, we lose focus because we can’t SEE what we’re pursuing.

We don’t have a physical or mental picture of what we desire.

One of the ways successful people stay so focused and accomplish so much, is by having a few physical reminders about what they and their staff are pursuing around him.

Let me explain.

If you look at the wall and desk of some successful people, you’ll find their personal and company mission statement, his companies annual objectives and his weekly priorities. It’s all right there. They see it all day.

 By seeing it, it helps us stay focused and get things done. 

By seeing it, we minimize wasted time by focusing on what’s important.

This point is so important.

If we can’t ‘SEE’ what we’re after, how will we know where we’re going or what we’re looking to achieve.
 We can’t. Simple but true.

 Can you put your goals in front of you so you can SEE them often?

 Can you read them weekly or even better daily?

 I think this would help your productivity immensely, don’t you?

 One of the reasons why I put together my goals on my laptop, in my car, in my bedroom etc is so that I am constantly ‘seeing’ my goals, reminding myself, staying focussed on what I want to achieve. ‘Making a Vision Board’  either the traditionl way of pasting pictures on a board of what you want to achieve or via a laptop screen saver mode helps you get clear about what you want. We think in pictures, so putting your goals pictorially connects and helps us stay on track, stay focussed on what we want to achieve.

It’s so important.

Think about this.

* What You SEE, You Can Pursue. What you can’t see, you can’t pursue.
The Bible says, ‘Where there is no Vision, people perish.’

Vision is SIGHT.
These simple, but powerful principles can change your life, if you apply them.

It changed mine!

Speak soon!


Responsibility – The word “Choose”

Think about the word “choose.”
It may be the single most important word in your life.

Let’s look at what the dictionary says about the word “choose”
1. To select from a number of possibilities; pick by preference: Example: She chose Sunday for her departure.

2. To prefer or decide (to do something): Example: He chose to run for election.

3. To want; desire.

4. To make a choice: Example: He chose carefully.

5. To be inclined: Example: You may stay here, if you choose.

Let’s look at #3 first, “to want, to desire,” we all have wants and desires, you can “choose” to love or not be loved. You can choose to seek after that which you desire, or simply hope it will magically come to you someday.

Look at #1 “to select from a number of possibilities” WOW, this is powerful. A number of possibilities, I would say this is almost unlimited.

Here are some examples:
1. You could choose to live a sedentary life or an active life.

2. You could choose to imagine your life as successful or believe that success will never come your way.

3. You could choose to believe in something when all those around you say you should not believe in it.

4. You could choose to take “action” or not take action.

5. You could choose to gain knowledge by reading newsletters like this one as well as books and magazines that will empower you with life changing information, or you could choose to watch more TV.

6. Look at #2 from the dictionary listing above. To prefer or decide (to do something): Example: He chose to run for election. Every President the United States has had to first chose to seek and/or accept the job.

My Prime Minister in Singapore and its ministers have to choose to be in their roles in Singapore. It is their choice!

You see, it is “YOU” or “MOI” that chooses, YOU or “MOI” that has the power to choose the direction of your life.

It’s up to “Moi” ….some of you may remember learning some French in class? Yes it’s up to “MOI”.
* You can choose to seek success.

* You can choose to have a healthy body by choosing what you put in it and what you do with it.

* You can choose to use the power of attraction (as discussed in The Secret) by creating a movie in your mind of you succeeding and believing that the success you are visualizing is already yours!

* You can choose to take that new job or influence people around you.

* You can choose to forgive.

But here is the bottom line.

It is “YOU” who must choose, no one else can choose for you. It’s up to “Moi”.

Here is an important question……Will you choose?

Make no mistake about it, even if you choose NOT to choose you have chosen a direction for your life……that is POWERFUL!

So I challenge you today to look at your life and CHOOSE!

* Choose success
* Choose unconditional love
* Choose health

* Choose to take the time to teach your children what you have learned about choosing.
You know there are areas of your life “RIGHT NOW” where you have failed to make a choice….to choose.

Why do I issue this challenge to you?

Because I care about YOU…… I “choose” to care about you. I have that choice and so do you.
Choose to invest in making your life better…yes it’s up to “MOI”.


Leslie Choudhury – Int’l Speaker, Trainer, Consultant and Author
Serious fun for serious business


Believe in Yourself !!!


A professor stood before his class of twenty senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam.

 ”I want to say that it’s been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you’ve all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after summer. So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a ‘B’ for the test.”

There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up, walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, “Anyone else? This is your last chance.”

One final student rose up and opted out of the final.

 The professor closed the door and took attendance of those students remaining. “I’m glad to see you believe in yourselves,” he said. “You all get ‘A’s.”

It starts with “MOI”  do you believe in yourself?

Your Success depends upon it!

Branding & You !!!

Pepsi-Cola. Nike. Google. Oprah. Michael Jackson. Donald Trump

What success principle do these 6 ‘entities’ use that can quickly help you build your business?

I’ll answer this question in a second, but first.

Here, check out the ONLY 3 ways to grow a business.

1) Get more customers – ‘customer acquisition’
2) Increase the size of the transaction – ‘upsell’
3) Increase the frequency of purchase per customer

Ok, I know you already got that? Tell me something new! It’s very important we agreed first on the basics. Great. Let’s move forward then….

Here’s a concept that took me a while to ‘get’, but once I did it opened my eyes to great wealth building possibilities.

What do those 6 ‘entities’ have in common?

They’re all their own BRAND.

Yes, whether they’re an individual personality, Example. Oprah, or a company, like Nike, both of them are their own brand and you know who else is?

Yes, you. You should be!!!

I find that most home based entrepreneurs and small business owners don’t realize that they are their own BRAND.

Yes, how people perceive you and your business says a ton about whether they’ll do business with you. (Especially for their 2nd purchase from you.)

Branding is bonding.
Branding is about 1 to 1 relationships.
Branding is about becoming valuable to your target market.
Branding is a feeling perceived when mentioned.
Have you ever thought of yourself as a brand?

I never did growing up, or in my initial years working in the corporate world. Once I struck out on my own I had to. The company you form may be the brand like the examples I mentioned – Nike, Pepsi or Google but then so is individuals like Oprah, Michale Jackson and Donald Trump.

I mentioned the 3 ways to grow a business above because if people like you, trust you, and you help them, you’ll get an increase in all 3 ways.

An increase = more money in your pocket.

One of branding strategies I suggest is sending ‘thank you’ postcards or ‘Happy Birthday’ cards or emails to people in your world.

Yes, it’s a simple strategy but it says a ton about you.

Oprah, Donald Trump, and Nike all know that everything they do helps or hurts their brand and so should all of us.

Ask yourself:

What is my brand?

How would others describe myself and/or my business?

How can I improve my brand?

Look at my website,  www.lesliechoudhury.com ,  look at my dressing, even certain words I use (made up even!), sounds, expressions, motions, colour, stories will all be associated with “moi” with that brand called – ‘Leslie Choudhury’.  It’s not ego, it’s about being smart, standing out, making a difference, being remembered.

We should ALL  be concerned about The Brand Called “You” or “Moi”.

If it’s a new idea for you, think about it because it can help you short and long term.

You are Awesome because there is only one “You”.

Effective communication … without words

Our ability to communicate effectively is built around three areas.

 These are words, tonality and body language. All three must be congruent, a rather complex word for aligned. All three contribute to the overall effectiveness in different proportions and those proportions may surprise you.In effective communication words contribute 7%, tonality 38% and body language 55%. If we combine the last two percentages we can conclude that 93% of our communication is actually non-verbal.

 That doesn’t mean that words are unimportant, they clearly are important, but it is a fact that we do not spend nearly enough time on our non-verbal signals which can obstruct our ability to communicate effectively.Content and context are the two key components of a message. Content is the actual words in the message. Many words have different meanings and we all use and interpret the meanings of words differently, so even simple messages can be misunderstood.Context is the way the message is delivered. It includes tone of voice, the look in the sender’s eyes, body language, hand gestures and detectable states of emotions including stress, anger, fear, uncertainty and confidence. This is sometimes referred to as paralanguage. A misunderstanding comes from the fact that we believe what we see more than what we hear. Nonetheless, context is a powerful communicator that helps us to understand each other and for effective communication it is important to be aware that we place more weight and trust in the accuracy of non-verbal behaviours over verbal behaviours.

We all think we have communicated something accurately. Yet how often have we said, “I can’t understand why this was not done, I could not have made it clearer,” or you have come out of a meeting and said, “I don’t know why I bothered, he did not understand a word I said.” Sound familiar? More than likely your message was misunderstood. A message is not communicated unless it is understood by the receiver. How do you know it has been properly received? By two-way communication or feedback. This feedback tells the sender that the receiver understood the message, its level of importance and what must be done with it.

Think about a time when you were angry and you just let it rip. Your tonality was most likely out of control and your message missed the target although you probably thought you had hit the mark exactly. Your tonality would have conveyed you were angry but what about the message of how you wanted to get the issue corrected?

Let’s look at body language. If you are to deliver a message to maximum effect practice your non-verbal behaviour.
Eye contact: This helps to regulate the flow of communication. It signals interest in others and increases the speaker’s credibility. People who make eye contact open the flow of communication and convey interest, concern, warmth, and credibility.

Facial Expressions: Smiling is a powerful tool as it conveys happiness, friendliness, warmth and liking. If you are a regular smiler you will be perceived as more likable, friendly, warm and approachable. Smiling is often contagious and people will react favourably. People feel more comfortable and will want to listen more to what you are actually saying. It is hard not to like someone who smiles.

Gestures: If you are rigid and stiff while speaking you may be perceived as boring. Gestures help to reinforce the message. A lively speaking style not only captures the listener’s attention but helps retention. This makes the conversation more interesting and helps understanding.

Posture and movement: We communicate numerous messages by the way we talk and move. Standing upright and leaning forward communicates to listeners that you are approachable, receptive and friendly. Interpersonal closeness results when you and the listener face each other. Speaking with your back turned or looking at the floor or ceiling should be avoided as it communicates disinterest.

Distance: Cultural norms dictate a comfortable distance for interaction with others. You should look for signals of discomfort caused by invading the other person’s space. Some of these are rocking, leg swinging, tapping and gaze aversion.
Nothing is so simple that it cannot be misunderstood. This will help you through the alignment of spoken words and non-verbal communication to get your message across. If you find yourself in a position where the recipient just doesn’t get the message, ask yourself what it is you are not doing correctly, or put another way, one occasion where you do shoot the messenger. 

Think about it. 

Remember it is not what you say, but how you say it that counts.


Emotional Intelligence ( EQ) at Work
Good work relationships are the product of people who are able to stay calm and focused, connect to others in ways that attract and inspire, accurately read others, skilfully employ humour, and successfully resolve conflict.

“As much as 80% of adult ‘success’ comes from EQ.”  – Daniel Goleman

Today, we may find it harder than ever to cope with challenges. Stress is on the rise – with more to do and less resources to do it, we all feel the added pressure. Good social and emotional intelligence – provide the resilience and avoid becoming overwhelmed by these mounting challenges. We are able to perform under pressure, motivate others, and creatively solve problems.

What is EQ?
EQ is the ability of understanding and using our emotions in a positive and constructive manner. It’s about engaging others in ways that brings out the best in them whilst building strong relationships. EQ is also about understanding our own emotional state, the emotional states of others and having clear influential communication.

EQ consists of four fundamental capabilities:
• Self-awareness —to understand our emotions and our decisions.
• Self-management – to control our emotions and adapt to changing circumstances.
• Social awareness — to sense, understand and respond to the emotions of others.
• Relationship management — to inspire, influence, connect and manage conflict.

Most of us have learned not to trust our emotions. We’ve been told our emotions distort the more “accurate” information our intellect supplies. Even the term “emotional” has come to mean weak, out of control, and even childish. However, intellectual intelligence (IQ) in reality is usually less important in determining how successful we are than EQ. People who may be academically brilliant but are socially inept are unsuccessful. What EQ give us is the ability to communicate deeply and effectively because 95% to 98% of what we communicate is nonverbal and emotionally driven.
Nurturing our EQ

EQ is a set of personal and interpersonal skills that can be learned in early childhood. Our primary caregiver, usually our mother, creates the first relationship is known as ‘the attachment bond’ and is instrumental to our mental, emotional, physical, and intellectual development.

This first relationship creates a template for our emotional behaviours that we automatically rely on throughout life. This behaviour is learned, but the brain remains able to change this, as we can continue to acquire the skills of EQ even in our adult lives.

However we cannot learn EQ the way we learn a new language. EQ is learned through emotionally–driven, nonverbal means. That’s why a child who cannot speak can get it. As adults, we need to employ similar nonverbal and emotional strategies, in addition to traditional verbal learning.

4 Relationship Strategies :-
1: Reduce stress
Our ability to think is impaired when stress hits our nervous system. Stress triggers automatic “fight-or-flight” responses that make us feel like running or fighting. Directive Communication Psychology calls this our reptilian response, our survival instinct. When this happens, rational thinking and decision making goes out the window.

The best way is through the senses: through sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. Each person responds differently to sensory input, so we need to find what is soothing to us. For some, certain kinds of music, to another fragrance or it can be as simple as a picture of our loved one! Ask ourselves what soothes us and create that around our desk or office.

2: Connect to your emotions
Any of us who have experienced early-life traumas such as loss, abuse, or isolation – have been displaced emotionally. We can distort, deny, and numb the emotions, but we cannot eliminate them. They are still there, whether we are conscious of them or not.
Unfortunately, without emotional awareness, we are unable to fully understand our own motivations and needs, or to communicate effectively with others. In order to be emotionally healthy we must reconnect to our core emotions.

3: Improve nonverbal communication
Nonverbal communication is emotionally-driven communication that answers the questions: “Are you listening?” and “Do you understand and care?” Answers to these questions are expressed in the way we talk, listen, look, move, and react. Our nonverbal messages will either produce a sense of interest, trust, excitement, and desire for connection – or they will generate fear, confusion, distrust, and disinterest. Studies tell us 55 to 93 % of all communication is non-verbal communication!

4: Use humour to deal with challenges
Humour and play lighten our burdens and help us to keep things in perspective. A good hearty laugh reduces stress, elevates mood, and improves brain functioning. When you laugh together communication is more relaxed, better and memorable.

• Laughter and play: enable us to overcome annoyances, hard times, and setbacks.
• Humour: helps us say things that might be difficult without creating misunderstanding.
• Creativity: free ourselves of rigid thinking allowing us to see things in new ways.

5: Resolve conflict positively
Conflict in work relationships can be a ‘bummer’! and a serious blow to teamwork and camaraderie. Two people cannot possibly always have the same needs, opinions and expectations. Resolving conflict in healthy, constructive ways can strengthen the trust between people. When conflict isn’t perceived as threatening or punishing, it fosters freedom, creativity, and safety in relationships.

• Stay focused in the present. Holding on to old hurts and resentments does not help.
• Choose your arguments. Consider what is worth arguing about. Agree to disagree.
• Forgive. Remember that conflict resolution involves burying the past. Starting anew.

There is a world of difference between knowing how you want to react and actually responding that way. When stressed and under pressure you find yourself on autopilot. The brain becomes overwhelmed and limits your actions to running, fighting, or freezing. If you want to respond differently under pressure, the learning process must engage EQ where we learn to respond using sensory experience – that is what is seen, heard, and felt.

“People, may forget what you did or say, they will never, never, NEVER forget, how you made them feel! “                  - Leslie Choudhury


You’ve assigned an important task to a talented employee, and given him a deadline. Now, do you let him do his work and simply touch base with him at pre-defined points along the way – or do you keep dropping by his desk and sending e-mails to check his progress?

If it’s the latter, you might be a micromanager. Or, if you’re the harried worker trying to make a deadline with a boss hovering at your shoulder, you might have a micromanager on your hands – someone who just can’t let go of the control of tiny details. Are you one? There was an old management concept which served management well in the past :

“People do not do what you expect, but People will do what you Inspect!”

Micromanagers take perfectly positive attributes – for example an attention to detail and a hands-on attitude – to the absolute extreme. Either because they’re control-obsessed, or because they feel driven to push everyone around them to success, micromanagers risk turning-off their staff. They ruin their staff’s confidence, hurt their performance, and frustrate them to the point where they quit.
Luckily, though, there are ways to identify these overzealous tendencies in yourself – and get rid of them before they do more damage. And if you work for a micromanager, there are strategies you can use to convince him or her to accept your independence.

First, though, how do you spot the signs of micromanagement ? Where is the line between being an involved manager, and an over-involved manager who’s driving his team mad?
Signs of Micromanagement

What follows are some signs that you might be a micromanager – or have one on your hands. In general, micromanagers :

• Resist delegating;
• Immerse themselves in overseeing the projects of others;
• Start by correcting tiny details instead of looking at the big picture
• Take back delegated work before it is finished if they find a mistake in it; and
• Discourage others from making decisions without consulting them.

What’s wrong with Micromanaging?
If you are getting results by micromanaging and keeping your nose in everyone’s business, why not carry on?

Micromanagers often affirm the value of their approach with a simple experiment: They give an employee an assignment, and then disappear until the deadline. Is this employee likely to excel when given free rein?

Empowerment versus Micromanagement?
Possibly – if the worker has exceptional confidence in his abilities. Under micromanagement however, most workers become timid and tentative – possibly even paralyzed. “No matter what I do,” such a worker might think to himself, “It won’t be good enough.” Then one of two things will happen: Either the worker will ask the manager for guidance before the deadline, or he will forge ahead, but come up with an inadequate result.

In either case, the micromanager will interpret the result of his experiment as proof that, without his constant intervention, his people will flounder or fail.

But do these results verify the value of micromanagement or condemn it? A truly effective manager sets up those around him to succeed. Micromanagers , on the other hand, prevent employees from making – and taking responsibility for – their own decisions. But it’s precisely the process of making decisions, and living with the consequences, that causes people to grow and improve. We need today to learn to Empower our staff and create growth.

Good managers empower their employees to do well by giving opportunities to excel; Bad managers micromamange their employees by hoarding those opportunities. A micromanaged employee is an ineffective one – one who requires a lot of time and energy from his supervisor.

It’s that time and energy, multiplied across a whole team of timid controlled workers, that amounts to a serious and self-defeating drain on a manager’s time. It’s extremely difficult, if not impossible, to keep up with analysis, planning, communication with other teams, and the other “big-picture” tasks of managing, when you are sweating the details of what the staff should be doing.

What we can learn from Eggs & Baby Eagles?
Egg-shells look deceivingly fragile. The truth is that breaking out presents almost insurmountable problems for an eagle. Baby eagles don’t even know that they are inside a shell, since their eyes are still closed.

What makes the situation of infant birds even more critical, if that they have very limited time to accomplish their feat. The little oxygen that gets through the shell won’t keep them alive for long. At a certain moment, almost by magic, the baby eagle begins to move and break out of the egg.

If you break the egg-shell to help the baby eagle get out, chances are that you will either kill it or prevent it from ever being able to fly or soar as it was meant to. If the baby eagle is unable to hatch on its own efforts, it means that nature has other plans.

Why do baby eagles break out of the shell? The simplicity of the answer will not make it less shocking. At a certain point in their development, it becomes too uncomfortable to remain inside the egg. It gets too constrained, too warm, too sticky, too hard to breathe inside the shell. Hmm sounds like micromanagement!

Invisible shells are the hardest to break. Inevitably, each of us carries around a few. Unlike those of an eagle, our staffs shells are not made of calcium, but of fear and indecision. We often underestimate the resiliency or ability of our staff to rise to the occasion or break out of their shell by themselves.
Every baby eagle must break out of its own shell. Life will be always fraught with distress and difficulties. When we allow our staff to struggle on their own we are allowing them to grow. Hard as it may be for us we must allow empowerment and stop micromanagement.

Escaping Micromanagement
So now you’ve identified micro-managerial tendencies and seen why they’re bad. What can you do if you know you’re exhibiting such behaviors – or are being subjected to them by a supervisor?
From the micromanager’s perspective, the best way to build healthier relationships with employees may be the most direct: Talk to them.

It might take several conversations to convince them that you’re serious about change. Getting frank feedback from employees is the hard part. This means giving your employees the leeway – and encouragement – to succeed. Focus first on the ones with the most potential, and learn to delegate effectively to them.

Part of being a good manager, one often lost on those of the micro variety, is listening. Managers fail to listen when they forget their employees have important insights – and people who don’t feel listened to become disengaged.

As for the micromanaged, well, things are a bit more complicated. Likely as not, you’re being held back in your professional development – and probably not making the progress in your career that you could be if you enjoyed workplace independence.

But there’s a certain amount that you can do to improve the situation:

• Help your boss to delegate to you more effectively, by prompting him to give you all the information you will need up front, and to set interim review points along the way.

• Volunteer to take on projects that you’re confident you’ll be good at. This will start to increase his confidence in you – and his delegation skills.

• Make sure that you communicate progress to your boss regularly, to discourage him from seeking information just because he hasn’t had any for a while.

• Concentrate on helping your boss to change one micromanagement habit at a time. Remember that he’s only human too, and is allowed to make mistakes!

Review of Key points:
Micromanagement restricts the ability of people to develop and grow, and it also limits what the micromanager’s team can achieve, because everything has to go through him or her. Micro-management is simply not an effective method and will frustrate good staff.

When a boss is reluctant to delegate, focuses on details ahead of the big picture and discourages his staff from taking the initiative, there’s every chance that he’s sliding or falling towards micromanagement.

The first step in avoiding the micromanagement trap (or getting out of it once you’re there) is to recognize the danger signs by talking to your staff or boss. If you’re micromanaged, help your boss see there is a better way of working. And if you are a micromanager, work hard on those delegation skills and learn to trust your staff to develop and deliver.

Micromanagement is definitely something to avoid if you want the best management and to get the best out of your staff.

I recommend anyone to learn the skills of delegation, and also to be on the look-out for those signs of micromanagement .
However experienced you are as the General manager or team leader, there will be situations and people that might lead you astray. So keep hold of that thought. Look out for the symptoms from time to time, and hopefully you’ll avoid it. Be a person that empowers your staff and watch them grow, struggle to break out of their shells and yes allow them to fly!

The Day I Interviewed Michael Jackson

The Day I Interviewed Michael Jackson

 My friend Fifi, is a huge MJ fan, almost died with envy the day I told her about me interviewing MJ. She is one of his biggest fan and couldn’t believe her ears when I told about the day I interviewed The King of Pop. Well, I sort of interviewed him. Okay, okay it was only a dream. But I interviewed him in my dream.

I have been thinking a lot about the infamous King of Pop. I think MJ is someone we can all learn from, especially about marketing, branding and image. This guy knew how to sell. Forget about his sleuth of problems with the law etc. Let’s face it, we should all be so good at what we do to have people talking (and writing articles) about us for 30+ years non-stop, and around the world. Despite his sudden unexplained death, the King of Pop does live on!

In my dream, I dreamt that I interviewed MJ…… Here’s what the King of Pop had to say :

What is your basic Branding communication philosophy?

Be different! Stand Out! Make a Statement! Just, be different.

First it was my clothes, then hair, then my glove, then my skin colour and then my nose…ok, I did go a bit overboard but you get the picture, be different!

What do you think is the key to Branding success?

Well, it’s like this Leslie. You have got to make being around you a really cool and bad experience, and by bad I mean good. I mean, you must make people talk about you and what you sell. If you think about it, I got so many fans because I knew how to make the customers ecstatic. You must give the customer something so special, you under promise and over deliver and they will tell all their friends. Do you want me to sing or dance yet? (No, MJ, let’s just finish the interview first!)
What advice do you have on Branding for the newcomer to the business world?

Well, I’d have to suggest that a newcomer in the business world is communicate that “I’ll be there” be dependable and available. Always , always “Look at the Man in the Mirror” cause it starts with you, take responsibility. Know that things in this world are never just “Black & White” so learn to read people and situations, anticipate and stay ahead of the game. Get really good at what’s important or your core competence. People forget I started performing when I was 5, so my solo albums, my moonwalk etc did not get done overnight. I practiced and practiced and practiced and ok , you get the point. There is no easy road to success….you have to work at it. Just Beat It ! Branding takes time and hard work but the pay-off is great!

What’s really important in branding?
For a Pop star?

(Come on MJ, this is a serious interview, for a prestigious business magazine. Do you want me to get in trouble?)

Okay, okay. What’s really important in business is to do what I did in music. Even though I sold to millions, most people felt as if they knew me intimately. (He starts singing, “You and I must make a pact”. Most never met me but I’m sure if you asked they trusted me. So, I’d have to say that as far as selling anything goes, be it product, service or yourself …. build trust. A Brand must be trusted.
How do you build trust?

Be consistent. Be visible. Be true to who you are. Care more about them than about you. They have got to feel like you really want to ‘Heal the World’. Be sincere. Remember you are dealing with human beings, so “ The Way You Make Me Feel” is something you always need to consider, how do people feel when dealing with you. It determines your success. Think about it we buy a brand because of how it makes us feel!

What prevents people from winning in Life?
They don’t wear a sequined sliver glove!. Just kidding! Fear to try, fear of failure, a lack of belief in themselves. “ Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough.” & “ Working Day & Night”. Branding requires hard work.

What is the key to your brand and success?
I think there were 3 essential elements that anyone reading this article might relate to:
First, I got good at my craft. I studied, I practiced and I learned everything I could about the business. I investigated the winners and the losers. I was a perfectionist when it came to my delivery, my image, my performance. Others knew I was committed and professional.

Second, I got the message out in an exciting manner. People like dealing with people who are alive and enthusiastic. I’m not suggesting people bring a sequined glove or thrusts their hips upward in their next business meeting but I am suggesting being positive and alert and even adding some humor. “ The Girl is Mine” is an example of this. People laughed and thought it was cute when Paul McCartney and I sang that song. Make dealing with you exciting, unpredictable, always something different man. I told you from the start be different, unique!

Third, I strove to make the customer ecstatic. I didn’t want to simply satisfy the customers; “ I Want You Back.” I wanted them to flip out when dealing with me. “I want to Rock The World.” We want our customers to say, He was fantastic, out of this world! We want to have people go nuts because of how we treat them. Remember again, “ The Way You Make Me Feel” is a key aspect of success. In Branding remember these 3 points – 1. Your Image 2. Be Unique 3. How You make People feel.
Is there any summary advice from your music that would be helpful in branding?

Man in the Mirror: It starts with you, you have to take responsibility, where you’ll end up. It is also a matter of how you see yourself. See yourself as a success and make it happen. Have a clear vision of your brand, the image you want to create in people’s minds and hearts.

The Way You Make Me Feel: That’s the way you should treat your customers, staff, and people you deal with. People will bend over backwards, if you make them feel special, wanted, loved etc. Understanding and Treating people Right is a key element to branding success.

Man in the Mirror: Be sure to be dressed right, different, unique but admirable. This has to be applied to your profession and what is acceptable, make the right impression so look at the mirror. Whether its personal branding or product branding, same principle. ‘Package’ it Right!

One Day In My Life: Visualize what you are going to achieve.
Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough: Know what brand and Image you want to create. Be clear , be focused and go after it.

Keep the Faith: Motivation must come from within, and also sometimes in a faith that is bigger than you and Life. Know your goals and keep at it.

Fly Away: Is what you need to do, get your plan, visualize and then go for it. Branding needs momentum and a take off!

Wanna Be Starting Something : This world needs doers, people whom will put their dreams into action. Be a doer, not just a dreamer. Branding needs constant work, always looking at how you can set yourself apart.

How do you differentiate yourself in the marketplace?
Show up for your next meeting with one glove, red leather jacket and bleach your skin. (Yeah, right!) Differentiation is a good. I think that if you want to succeed, you have to be different. I had this problem when I began. There were so many singers and musicians. I needed to stand out. I think successful people need to stand out. Why should someone deal with you instead of the competition? You or your product, as a brand, must literally stand out.

How do you keep people loyal to your brand?
Give them what they want, be more concerned about them than yourself and make dealing with you an AWESOME experience. Oh, and stay in touch. The key is “The Way You Make Me Feel!” If people feel good using your brand they will keep using your product.

What is some of your favorite quotations?
~ “Products are made in the factory, but brands are created in the mind.” ~
Walter Landor

~ “A brand that captures your mind gains behavior. A brand that captures your heart gains commitment.” ~ Scott Talgo

“And I’m not an actress. I don’t think I am an actress. I think I’ve created a brand and a business.” Pamela Anderson

Regardless of age, regardless of position, regardless of the business we happen to be in, all of us need to understand the importance of branding. We are CEOs of our own companies: Me Inc. To be in business today, our most important job is to be head marketer for the brand called You.”
Tom Peters

“A great brand taps into emotions. Emotions drive most, if not all, of our decisions. A brand reaches out with a powerful connecting experience. It’s an emotional connecting point that transcends the product.”

Scott Bedbury/Nike, Starbucks
What is branding “success” in your opinion?
Branding Success means when people hear the initials ‘MJ’, they know it stands for ‘Michael Jackson’ regardless of whether it is Europe, USA, Asia or South America. I am Recognized. When they see a sequined glove, they think of me, when they hear my song, it makes them feel my message, it means it brings a positive feeling, image and experience to their hearts and minds. They may even be willing to pay a premium because it is Michael Jackson and that at the end of the day is QUALITY!

With that I woke up as I heard someone say…
“MJ has died!”